Friday, September 19, 2008

teaching me

today has been nothing short of purely Fantastic.
although I'm sleep deprived to a point bordering on delirium,
i have been gifted by the presence of students
students (marvelous)
and so diverse racially, ethnically and culturally.
all students of color (!)
a situation so rarely accessible to me as an instructor. 
typically of courses born of disciplines dominated by white people, most of them white males.
A situation I chose (I ran to. I needed to feel useful) -- the move inspired by a hope.
that I could introduce at least a (precious) few traditionally marginalized and invisible perspectives 
to the academic mainstream.
but anyway.
this statement is about them. the students:)
who took themselves seriously
who took their work seriously
who sat with me and worked.
who appreciated my comments.
who try and try and try and try (that's all I ask:)
to progress as students
who laughed at my jokes
who compelled me to laugh at theirs
oh the laughter we shared
who did not (appear) to fear my particular intersection of identities:)
i.e., happily butch queer cross-dressing (transgressing) woman black 
(social identities not arranged in order of importance 
but in the order of that which I fear. will alienate.
provoke fear in
prompt resistance to etc etc)
(so much rage in me so much rage. I manage to push back. push away. mostly:)
but not today. 
no alienation/fear/resistance/ today. and
not. ever. 
ain't it grand!
today, having been awake for more hours than my body and mind has been able to cheerfully withstand
a good day
one of the best.
even without yourLove, my darling
even without FemmetouchFemmesmellFemmesofemmesofemmesofemme
even without. you. her. (so long ago now)
(maybe you were with me always i know. i forget i know)
such a good day
precious day
a lit up by blessings day:)
the best:)


Anonymous said...

So happy for your happiness, baby! It sounds like you had a wonderful exchange of energy with your students. How nice that you were able to (invited to?) let your (necessary) guard down and connect and relax for that period of time.

Just wonderful!


butchrebel said...

Thank you for your support, Love:)

Joy said...

i'm so inspired by your post. i get so bogged down by what my students do not realize about the world that i forget students also have gifts of conversation and revelation to share as well. your patience for education teaches me that even thought most are not radicalized in utero, it doesn't mean i shouldn't lose hope. [for the most part] ;-)

butchrebel said...

seoulsister: thank you for your kind and insightful words. I would love to lead you and the other 2 people who read this blog:) to believe that I am so enlightened that I *only* see the beauty and genius in all my students at all times. I don't. Sometimes, I have to work really hard to see their beauty and brilliance. I can't get away from the reality, though, that each and everyone of them teaches me something (so many things) that are new about themselves -- but mostly about me -- how I can grow... where & when I need to be more patient... etc.,

I bet you're a fabulous teacher (I would love to have had you as one).

Care to share experiences of frustration you've had with students? Have you had experiences where you've witnessed students grow and change politically?